This Is Everything
by LupusAmator
Summary: <html><head></head>if there is no boy in a straw hat there is no pirate Zoro (or any Zoro at all)</html>


_**Dedicated to XPao-17X (sorry for the long wait-hope you enjoy, even if it's probably not what you had expected, haha)**_

Tied against a pole, stomach growling, sweat pouring, and the sun glaring down on the hot compound, no one could have predicted Roronoa Zoro, pirate hunter with a notorious demon temperament, would be staring down a self-confessed young pirate with a straw hat, red vest and sunny grin, the prospect of a famous future and a family in his suddenly capable hands that continues into a promise made between the clash of a sword and axe and the stretching of rubber skin.

This is the beginning.

Led in a small boat barely able to fit two under a dark, night sky crammed full of blinking stars, a warm, rubber body presses sharply in Zoro's side that emits a warmth he has never felt before, his stomach full after a large meal of fish and sake, and a new feeling swirling in his chest at the sound of _'Bink's Sake'_ being hummed under his new captain's breath, the feeling heavy and tight but not terribly uncomfortable; the new beating of his heart is welcome after the years of emptiness he's had to endure alone before, but clearly the reason for him being unable to sleep.

This is the start.

A new ship, new nakama, and an incredibly smiley captain leads to a therefore happy swordsman, distractions of a woman with big breasts and a loud mouth and a sharpshooter with interesting stories and a long nose is nothing compared to the allure of another laugh from the boy in the straw hat whose wide, dark eyes somehow show both an innocent youth and a wise maturity that capture Zoro's attention at unexpected times in the day, the mysteries of the rubber man's past and his unyielding will enough to keep him up at night and force him to nap during the day to hide from the still growing heavy feeling in his chest hearing the _shishishi_ laugh gives him.

This is confusion.

His back aches against the wooden floor of another small boat, but with a burning, painful flesh wound ripped open in his chest, Zoro is just conscious of his captain jumping into danger with angry accusations falling out of his mouth so he lifts his sword and feels tears fall down his cheeks in an overwhelming need to impress his sworn enemy and to persuade his captain he will never fail again with a promise that resonates through his bones and makes his captain laugh (_shishishi)_ that gives him the warm, heavy feeling in his chest, and the words _"pirate king"_ give him a strange kind of thrill because now there is no doubt in him that the boy with a straw hat and a giant dream will accomplish all that he set out to do and more, and now there is no doubt in him that he will be there to stand next to him in the end with the title of the greatest swordsman as he_ "will never lose again"_.

This is determination.

Now there is one more nakama and one who re-joins and the ship feels full but the atmosphere is pleasant and exciting as they make their way to the Grand Line, and it's quiet now the liar and the witch have gone to bed, and Zoro feels comfortable now the cook and his suspicious glances at him whenever he's near their captain have both disappeared into the kitchen, and though he is strong and a great cook and he hasn't said anything about what he so clearly suspects – and what Zoro doesn't understand nor care to understand – his swirly brows are annoying and he knows exactly how to piss Zoro off, but all that seems to drift away now it's just swordsman and captain with their backs against the deck of the ship and their faces directed towards the dark, night sky which is crammed full of blinking stars, and it feels like it did before yet something has changed as now their fingers by their sides are slightly touching in a way that looks normal but feels so intimate Zoro can barely think, can barely breathe, and his chest is fit to burst and when he looks to his side his captain is smiling at him and the air feels charged and hot but before anything else changes the cook is back and their captain runs away begging for more food and the moment is gone but Zoro's heart is pounding in his neck and his face is flushed as he pretends to be asleep and now he can't help but feel that since the first night in the tiny boat _everything has changed_.

This is realisation.

This is the first time Zoro and his captain have fought, it's the first time he has even _thought_ about fighting the usually grinning boy since the time he first laid eyes on him, and his captain is bloated and tired but his anger is real and actually using his swords against his closest friend brings him great pain but he has pride so he fights for it, and when his captain finds out the truth and they cease fighting the rest of the day is awkward between them which is strange since they have never felt awkward before, and it isn't until the night after a new ally and the promise of a strong enemy has been established that he and his captain are alone and it's raining a little (more like drizzle) and the swordsman feels a yearning in his chest, stomach, hands, eyes, but he can't look at the boy, doesn't dare, and then he hears him laugh (_shishishi_) and then a _"I can't believe I doubted Zoro"_ and the world comes crashing down and now he can look at him and a smile lifts the corners of his mouth because his captain, his strong, uncaring and unyielding captain, looks bashful and the only word running through his mind is _'cute'_ and his hand can't stop moving and it reaches and lands on top of his captain's head, the straw hat pushing down over his eyes, but his grin is still there and his giggle continues and his heart is pounding and his blood is starting to roar but he snatches his hand back and puts it behind his own head to meet with the other one and he says _"you'll catch a cold if you don't go inside"_ and he ignores his own warning as his captain runs to the kitchen shouting for food as he stays in the rain (drizzle) and lifts his face to the sky and closes his eyes and lets the rain wash away the rest of the heat that touching his captain gives him, and he feels his chest get heavier and now he knows he'll never be able to see his captain the same again, but all he does is smile and go to the kitchen to drink sake and watch his nakama laugh and talk about meaningless things (yet all he can see is his captain talking and laughing and eating and sometimes stealing a bit of Zoro's sake).

This is relief.

It is cold and snowing and Zoro has never liked the cold or the snow but the witch is seriously ill and this is the closest island and his captain is worried (which makes Zoro worried) so he stays and he trains and he doesn't get lost but he feels much better when the witch is better and they have a doctor join their crew and they're sailing again, but there's tension in the air as they come ever closer to a terrifying new enemy and Zoro can feel it rolling off his captain in waves as they are celebrating new nakama but no one else can feel it, they don't even suspect a thing, and Zoro finds himself watching his captain more than he usually does (which is more than he admits) though as soon as he turns his head and catches his eyes he turns away, but suddenly his captain is by his side and he's got more sake and he leans into him and his shoulder _fucking burns_ and his face _is fucking blushing _(he never blushes) and his chest is _so fucking heavy _and then he laughs (_shishishi_) and now Zoro can smell the alcohol on his captain's breath and everything makes sense, even though it shouldn't, and of course he doesn't feel disappointed (though he does, so badly it gives him an ache in his body and heart and now his head hurts and – _fuck_) but Zoro indulges in the warm contact for a little while longer, his eyes closing and he can pretend that it's a conscious thing, what they are doing (he pretends so hard that for a second, one blissful second, he actually believes it's real) but it's when his captain lays his head on his shoulder and sighs that Zoro draws the line and he pushes the boy away and stands up and finishes the sake so he has an excuse to walk away and he doesn't look back and he goes to bed early but he can't sleep, and after everyone else has gone to bed and fallen asleep he finds himself hating himself for feeling bitter about useless things but before long his captain enters his bed and lies on top of him and says _"I'm cold, Zoro" _and there's a part of Zoro that doesn't believe him because he's so hot he's burning up the entirety of Zoro's body, and his blood is roaring through his veins and his heart it pounding in his ears and then the boy on top of him tightens his hold around Zoro's chest (_he's on fire, fuck, it's so fucking hot he can't breathe) _and he snores and when he realises his captain is asleep he can breathe again, _thank god_, and once the burning goes down (cools down but still leaves a thin trail of heat radiating between the two bodies) Zoro's asleep and his arms are around his captain's back.

This is something.

Zoro can't concentrate, can't think of anything but of his injured captain, bandaged and asleep in a palace room, and though he knows the fucking bastard Crocodile has already had the shit beat out of him, he still wants to find him and cut him up some more because of the price beating him paid since his captain had a hook go straight through his stomach and his rubber body is strong but Zoro can't help but think it's not _that_ strong, clearly, so that is why he is sat next to his captain's bed with his body unnaturally still and his heartbeat slow and his eyes can't leave – _won't_ leave – his captain's sleeping body because he couldn't protect him before but he can now (that's what first mates do, or, at least, that's what he tells himself) and he waits and when his captain finally opens his eyes Zoro is the first person he sees and at the sight of his captain's large grin and his laugh (_shishishi)_ his heart stops, for a second, and the world goes back to normal and now Zoro can smile back, softly, and in a movement made almost entirely unconsciously, his hand reaches out for his captain's and there is no shock or surprise in his captain's face (though there is in Zoro's) and instead he squeezes his fingers and laughs again (_shishishi_) and brings the held hands to his chest where Zoro can feel his heart beating hard, and Zoro's is beating hard too, and now all he can feel is the pounding of two hearts in sync and it's fantastic and new and Zoro finds himself being unable to breathe, and suddenly he's really close to his captain and suddenly his head is resting on the bandaged chest which rises and falls quickly as he giggles, saying _"Zoro, that tickles"_ but he doesn't tell him to go away, so he doesn't, and he stays and he listens to the heart (_poundpoundpoundpound)_ and he closes his eyes and this time he doesn't have to pretend or imagine because this time it's conscious, this time it's real, and Zoro falls asleep for the first time in days to the sound of _'Bink's Sake_' being hummed into his ear and the feeling of a warm hand resting on his head.

This is better.

The witch can't understand why Zoro and their captain isn't fighting back as they are getting the shit beat out of them by bastards in a bar who lower the pirate name, and it infuriates Zoro, not because he cares what the pirate name does to his reputation, but for what it does to _his_ (his captain's) because he used to think of pirates as thieving and boisterous and drunk, bitter men who are lower than scum but ever since meeting the boy with the straw hat his idea of pirates has changed and now when he thinks _pirate_ he thinks of _freedom_, _sake, one piece, nakama_ and _dreams,_ and somewhere along the line his ideal image of a pirate transitioned into his captain and he can't help but think that he is the only pirate, the only _true_ pirate, left since the Pirate King and letting those bastards beat him up is the last thing he wants to do, he wants to _fucking kill them_ for destroying the word pirate and he wants to hurt them so badly for humiliating his captain (and therefore humiliating Zoro) but he can't because he _understands_, he understands and it hurts that he understands, because he knows they are winning by not fighting back, they're being the better person, but sometimes being the better person isn't worth it and he can't help but think that now but he won't fight back, he _won't_, because he does whatever his captain wants, and this is what he wishes, so he'll lay low and he'll show them how strong dreams are because that's the point and he refuses to look at what they're doing to his captain because he knows that if he does he won't be able to hold back, captain's orders or no, so he holds his tongue and keeps his gaze straight and waits for it all to be over and there's something niggling in the back of his mind about his unwavering loyalty to his captain, but he can't reach it and he refuses to because right now he doesn't want to know, he just wants to go through with his orders, and when the fighting ends and he leaves there's a sense of accomplishment in his chest that he holds onto even while feeling seething anger at the state his captain is in (but at least they haven't touched the straw hat).

This is trust.

Skypeia is over, their captain beat a god, and now spirits are high as they fall down from the sky back to the Grand Line with a giant octopus slowing the descent, and Zoro wonders if all that has happened to him since meeting the boy with a straw hat, red vest and sunny grin at a marine compound where he was tied to a pole has all been a dream, but looking at the faces of all his nakama (even the dark, archaeologist lady is slowly gaining respect in his eyes) he sees all that he thinks on their faces and he realises that this is not a dream, no, this is surreal but it is reality and it's reality to them all because of one boy who promised them all the same thing and he can't help but feel pride swell up in his chest (both at the fact that their captain brought them all together and at the fact he has seen first-hand as they all joined the crew) and he is thinking of all of this when the dark, archaeologist lady sways up to him and smiles that slightly creepy smile and Zoro feels a deep _oh no_ thunder through his body because he may trust her more than when they first met, but he still doesn't _really _trust her but that doesn't matter because she's suddenly speaking and she's saying something that freezes him right down to the core (_"I can't help but realise, Sword-kun, that you seem to be very much in love with our captain-san over there"_) and the word echoes in his mind but doesn't register and she just smiles at him with an expectant look on her face and, _fuck_, Zoro has nothing to say to her because all he can think of right now is the word _love_ (he doesn't _love_ his captain, he can't _love_ him, he really can't) and his mind runs through all his interactions with the boy and he feels denial rear its head and he shakes his own head, brings a rueful smile to his face, but inside he's full of turmoil and she just says _"Oh, then I am very sorry for the misinterpretation, Sword-kun"_ and saunters off to her next victim, but Zoro is leaning against the side of the ship, his chest heaving and the niggling thought he had felt not long before comes back and a little of it slips into his mind and it whispers _'love'_ at him but he shuts it down, grabs some sake and tries to nap because there is no way he is in love with a boy who inhales meat like it's air.

This is denial.

The night Usopp leaves the crew and Robin doesn't come back is the worst it's ever been and though Zoro doesn't regret his actions (or words, as his captain had had to do the deed as captains were expected to do) he still feels a little pain at seeing his captain's crying face and it hurts him, as it should do, because he was the one to cause this, to push this responsibility onto him, and the ship is quiet and he can feel it dying (it's not long now) but most of all he can feel his captain's despair as he presses his face into his chest, and Zoro's shirt is soaked with tears but he can't find it in himself to care because the closest person in the world to him is upset so instead he pulls his captain closer and rests his chin on his hair (the straw hat is temporarily discarded with his captain unwilling to show his despair in front of a hat filled with dreams and memories and promises) and tells him _"You're captain, you're captain" _but it sounds more like he's reassuring himself, and his heart is hurting and he hasn't had sake all day, and he craves it, but then his captain clutches him tighter and his face presses harder and for once Zoro's body is not on fire, so he takes the chance and runs his fingers through the dark hair and lets his captain let it all out if that's what it takes to bring him back to normal, although it isn't long before the crying stops and then it's not long after that when the sniffles stop and now it's just Zoro running fingers through hair, and it feels reminiscent to a time when Zoro was very young and a ghost of a woman he can't even remember the face of runs her fingers through his hair and tells him a story, and now his head hurts more than the ache in his chest but his captain is sighing and rubbing his face against his shirt and he lifts his head and says _"Zoro is very snuggly_" and he smiles (but not the grin, it's not what Zoro wants) and Zoro replies by closing his eyes and pulling his captain up so they're now face to face, and all he can smell is his captain's scent (freedom and salt and sea and dreams, but, most of all, freedom) and it's in his nose, head, chest, stomach, _blood;_ it's everywhere and Zoro soaks it in and whispers _"Go to sleep, captain" _and they do.

This is comfort.

All around Zoro are people with swords and he's just lost one of them to rust and though he feels a sadness that falls like a heavy stone into his stomach, he doesn't think about any of that except the need to have his sniper's back because their captain is down (really down, he can't move, _why can't he move he's the strongest person they know_) and right now Zoro wants to run to his aid, his body is already aching with the force of trying to jump to his captain's side, but he isn't the person that will help him right now so he stays put and does what he can do, which is fight those running towards him so that their sniper has the time to get their captain moving, and in one half a second he has of complete peace, he remembers one word (_love_) but he ignores it and then everything happens at once; the dark, archaeologist lady (Zoro likes her infinitely more now) is pushing their captain over the edge and they're all jumping down to the sea to a nakama they love dearly, but Zoro isn't looking at the ship, he's watching their captain, watching as he laughs and grins and his face flushes with a little colour, and Zoro gets the feeling that everything will be alright once they land on the ship and they'll get away (they always do) and they'll laugh over this over dinner and have a big party (oh, how much Zoro craves sake) and their captain will be fine and this is all a one off, their captain getting so beaten up, and he will never lose again, just as Zoro vowed to never lose again, because they are first mate and captain and they have a duty to always win and stick together, and if there is no boy in a straw hat there is no pirate Zoro (or any Zoro at all) and the complete blissful second where they fall Zoro lets the cold air ruffle his hair and his captain's hair and he smiles at the complete sense of _it will be okay_ he feels.

This is carelessness.

Regaining two nakama and losing one is harder than Zoro thought, and as he stands and watches the ship burn he finds he is tired and that a ship burns surprisingly easy, and he feels a deep sadness as the ship slowly disintegrates away (_"I'm sorry, I wanted to bring everyone a little farther" _and _"I'm sorry, I want to always go on adventures together, but I was happy" _then "_you always treated me well, thank you" _and finally_ "I was always so happy because of you"_) and their captain is wailing and apologising for all of them (Zoro doesn't dare apologise for himself, lest his emotions get the better of him) though the ship has gone now and Zoro can feel it in the air even as the ash rains down on them like snow except hotter, and he can feel it in his hair and clothes and he can feel it trapped in his throat but he refuses to wipe the ash away or to cough it out because this is their nakama, this is Merry, and he never wants to forget the first Strawhat ship which he trained and napped and flew on and he never wants to forget because he remembers the happy grin his captain had when they first got the ship and it was mesmerising and made Zoro feel funny for the first time, and now that grin has been swapped to tears and Zoro feels like this is the end of a chapter, end of an era, and things are going to change now, they have to, because they've lost one nakama but life goes on and he knows that all too well, he knows it so well, and he doesn't want to think about Kuina but suddenly she's there, in his mind (_"You're so weak, Zoro") _and now it's double the pain but still he stands motionless and gazes onwards because his captain is crying enough for all of them and definitely enough for Zoro, and so he has to stay emotionless so that he can be the rock for his captain to go to, so he stands and he waits and when the time comes he comforts his captain and he tries to say, once again, this is what first mates do but then that word (_love_) comes back to haunt him and now he can't do anything with his captain without thinking that word, and some part of him blames the dark, archaeologist lady, but he mostly blames himself, and he's never been scared of much but he's scared right now of what lies inside of him.

This is dread.

Zoro doesn't remember the last time he was drunk, but he knows he's drunk now, and there are a lot of people around and there are a lot of women around and there's music and fire and dancing and food and sake (so much sake he feels as if his blood is sake now) and this is what he's been waiting for so impatiently but none of it feels right and he's stumbling now as he gets up (to get more sake since sake always makes everything better) and the ero-cook gives him a glare and tells him _"Oi, marimo, anymore and your blood will turn into sake" _so Zoro glares and clutches at his swords and replies with _"That's impossible, you stupid ero-cook" _(even though he thought of that first) and the cook snarls _"What's that, marimo?" _but his attention is suddenly taken by the witch stretching and Zoro's not disappointed, he's really not (he's so disappointed, he was starting to feel normal again, and now he has nothing) so he staggers even more to find sake and then the doctor is tugging at his trousers and suddenly he's sat on a bench and the doctor is forcing water down his throat but it's not water he wants and he tries to say that (_"No, give me sake"_) but the doctor is forceful and the water is down his throat and now he's _less_ drunk which makes him feel _less_ right and his head is pounding, but before he can do anything else he hears a laugh (_shishishi_) and the scent descends on him (_freedom, salt, sea and dreams_) and his captain is there, waving meat in one hand and a bottle of sake in another and his grin is wide and for him (Zoro, all for Zoro) and his chest starts to fill with an unknown heaviness (he feels like he knows the feeling from somewhere else, but right now he hardly cares to find out what) and there's no people and no music, there's just swordsman and captain once again, so Zoro grins back and takes the sake and he hears the sound that brings his filling chest to burst (_shishishi_) and his captain is no longer just in front of him, he's in his lap, and their faces are closer than they have ever been before and his breath smells like meat (he imagines it always does) but Zoro has always liked meat and his hands are on his captain's arms and he's the one pulling the boy towards him (he can't remember moving, he can't even feel himself moving now, but he's getting ever closer) and his body is on fire, his neck and hands and arms and face are burning, but what's more on fire is his lips as they're pressed against rubber ones, and he can feel the surprise in his captain's body but he can feel the surprise in his own more, and it isn't long before they're pulling back and Zoro's turns his head to gulp down sake (sake always makes everything better) and now his face is burning hotter than before and he can't bring himself to look at his captain but his captain laughs (_shishishi_) and whispers _"'bout time, Zoro"_ before he's gone and Zoro is left with the aftermath of heat and salt and meat and (more importantly) sake, and his mouth can't stop smiling and he feels better than he has ever felt before (even more than after having sake).

This is hope.

Nothing but pain is left for Zoro now, however there is not one bit of him that regrets offering his life for his captain's, and when he opens his eyes for the first time in a while (the light blinds him for a second or so) he's met with a serious-face captain who sits cross-legged next to his bed and his stomach sinks because his captain is never serious (_what has he done_) and the rubber boy's mouth opens and the words _"Tell me what you did, Zoro_" fall out, but Zoro finds himself tongue-tied; he can't bring the words to his mind to say, and he's finding it difficult to breathe and his captain makes it worse by saying _"Sanji lied to me, too; you're not supposed to lie to your captain" _and now Zoro can see the hurt that is hiding in his eyes (they're not happy and glinting now; they're dark and they're pained) and his face is clearly showing the hurt and his hands are in his lap (Zoro wants them to be touching him but he doesn't deserve it, he _doesn't_) but even so no words are able to be formed in his mouth, it's impossible, he just can't speak, and that's when his captain purses his lips (those lips that are soft, Zoro knows that now) and leans forward and now his arms are crossed over Zoro's chest and his legs are straddling Zoro's hips and his captain's face is resting on his own arms so their faces are close, so close, and he says in a voice quieter than even a whisper _"At least Zoro's alive"_ and that's when Zoro realises that the hurt isn't from information being withheld from him (though he can see that that's probably a part of it) the hurt is mainly from the uncertainty of Zoro's life and, _fuck_, if that doesn't just create an explosion of hot feelings in his chest that makes his heart race and his captain's face is startled (he can feel his heartbeat going _poundpoundpoundpound_) and that doesn't surprise Zoro, since he can feel his heartbeat himself throughout his entire body, but what does surprise him is the fact it brings a large smile to his captain's face and now Zoro is feeling all kinds of heat in all kinds of places on his body as his captain laughs under his breath and runs his hand over Zoro's bandaged chest which makes a trail of fire erupt, and even though it's pleasurable, and even though Zoro wants more, his wounds are fresh and the touch, despite the incredible softness of it (incredible because when is his captain ever soft?), brings him great pain and his face betrays as such and his captain gasps (Zoro can't remember his captain ever gasping before and it brings a different feeling to his stomach, something more heavier and much hotter) and his eyebrows furrow and _goddamnit_ it's cute, but his captain just leans forward slightly and whispers, straight into his ear, _"When Zoro's not injured" _and he slowly, and very clearly gently, settles himself down to Zoro's side and his hands and arms are by his own side (why is he injured, why does it have to be now he can't handle touching, _why, why, why_) but his forehead is softly leaning against Zoro's shoulder and it brings him to a sense of wanting to sleep, and with _'Bink's Sake'_ being played in the near distance, he really does.

This is loyalty.

It would be a lie to say Zoro hasn't been on edge since his captain's whispered promise back at Thriller Bark and it would be a lie to say he hasn't been looking forward to it, and just when the first month passes and just when he thinks that maybe his captain's forgotten, they land at an island with a Halloween festival going on and his captain announces loudly (so loudly Zoro fears the whole island hears the damn words) that he wants to partner up with Zoro this time and though Zoro's heart is beating so fast and though his hands sweat at the prospect of being found out (because this is what he's been waiting for, he realises now, and he's getting too fucking excited for it) but the rest of the crew thinks nothing of it (how can they not realise when their captain and even Zoro are being so obvious that something is going on) and they're waved onto the island with the witch passing them Berries, and it's not long until it's just swordsman and captain lost in a sea of masked people, so Zoro watches his captain's face light up at every single stand and he watches as he buys an almost impossible amount of meat to consume (but he will eat and savour every piece, Zoro knows only too well) and his captain even thinks to buy him some sake (though Zoro's stomach is so full of knots he can barely drink it – his usual motto of sake making everything better completely forgotten about in his nerves and anticipation) though it isn't long until the both of them are completely alone and in an isolated, abandoned house and when his captain gives him a mighty grin that speeds the blood pumping round his body and brings a slight flush to Zoro's cheeks, Zoro finds himself grinning back and the front door is easy to open but once he's stepped inside he's attacked by a body that brings him heat and fire and made completely of rubber and Zoro's being pressed against a shaky wall with the rubber body emitting a loud laugh (no, not the _shishishi_ one, but one that's a mix between barking and breathless, unrelenting chortling and it's tantalising in an entirely different way than his usual laugh is) and Zoro can barely breathe as his captain presses closer and says _"Zoro is all mine now_" right into his ear, sending warm shivers down his spine, and then there's lips on his lips and hands on his chest and he doesn't know where his shirt has gone but he can't find it in himself to care when his brain is feeling a multitude of different emotions at once and his body is _burning_ and his face is so red, he can feel it, and his heart is beating so fast he wonders if it's going to jump straight out of his chest (his chest where rubber hands are roaming free) and that's when he discovers the feeling of having his captain completely free to touch, of actually touching his skin and running his hands down his stomach and back and neck and even his face, where he can feel his captain grinning widely (this makes him grin back and it feels fucking weird while they're kissing, though Zoro finds he really likes it) but when his fingers gently press against hip bones his captain laughs into his mouth and it tastes so much like meat it takes Zoro a moment to realise he isn't actually eating, it's just his captain, and that makes him laugh back and then it's just two boys laughing at each other until _"I'm hungry, Zoro"_ and Zoro watches his captain tug at his straw hat slightly (Zoro vaguely questions that; if it's a good thing they did something so dirty in front of a hat that signifies dreams and promises) and he pulls the boy to his chest and huffs out another laugh (it's the most he's laughed in ages) and he can feel the boy's surprise against his bare chest and his skin is still feeling the burning effects but he replies back with _"Me too, captain"_ and that's when his captain smiles against his chest and his hand reaches round for Zoro's and he's pulling him along recommending him this _"barbeque chicken that's so amazing, Zoro's gotta try it"_ and he throws his shirt back for him to put on but all the while Zoro can't stop staring at their held hands and wondering where the hell his captain gets the confidence do something so daring.

This is heart-racing.

Right now Zoro feels nothing but regret and anger at himself, at his body, because he can barely run or fight or do _anything_ and his body may be able to handle touching now (even from the rough hands of his captain) but it can't handle anything else, which is degrading considering their sniper is the one helping him along now while they run from a robot with fucking lethal paw prints for hands and though he doesn't want to, all Zoro can think about is the last time he met the pawed bastard (the real one) and he knows (he shouldn't know) that they're all dead, but he doesn't want them all to be dead, of course he doesn't, so he tries to push the sniper away because he's done for - his _body's_ done for – but at least he wants his captain to have his sniper, but the sniper refuses and suddenly there's an explosion and Zoro's on the floor and the sniper's apologising but he can't help but think then of their captain and he wonders if he's okay, if he's alive, because he knows he's certainly not going to survive this, then he hears the skeleton and sniper scream and now Zoro can get up because he knows, he just _knows_, that this is the real deal stood in front of him and it is and the pawed bastard says _"So you survived, Roronoa" a_nd Zoro replies poisonously (_"Only thanks to your mercy_") because it's only thanks to that bastard and his '_mercy'_ that he's in this mess right now with his body unable to work properly and then the bastard asks something unexpected (_"Where do you want to go on vacation?"_) and Zoro instantly thinks of somewhere isolated where it's just him and his captain, despite himself and his situation, but then darkness hits him and he can no longer think of his captain (or of anything else).

This is weakness.

Zoro had woken up in an isolated castle surrounded by rubble and ruins and forests and mimicking gorillas and an annoying ghost girl, but none of that is even a problem to him right now, not even a little thought in the back of his head, as he holds the paper in his shaking hands and sees the face of his captain's fire-first brother followed by the word 'execution' and now Zoro is panicking, now he is rushing, as he knows he has to get to his captain's side since he couldn't handle one nakama leaving and another being burnt to its watery grave so he has no idea how he's going to handle this but he knows it'll be bad and _fuckfuckfuck_ his captain needs him, he knows he does, he _needs_ to be by his side because his captain is hurting right now and he's in a bad place, Zoro just knows it, so he has to comfort him because he doesn't want to believe that word (_love_) is true but if there is one word to describe the aching in Zoro's chest and bones and head and, oh fuck, his _heart_, Zoro can only explain it as that (_love_) and it's running through his head (_lovelovelovelove_) as he tries to build a boat and beat the mimicking gorillas and escape and he doesn't really know what he's doing or where he's going, but all he does know, all that he's sure of, is that he needs his captain just as much as the captain needs him (_love_) but the gorillas are strong (how is that even possible) almost too strong, and Zoro's beaten again and again and _again_ and now only one word is running through his head (_love_) but it's not enough, not anymore, and soon he can't get up again and the ghost girl is grumbling about fixing his wounds and he's already found out that the island belongs to his sworn enemy but he doesn't care, not really, because he _will_ find his captain again and comfort him, until the paper rolls in again and Zoro's eyes are blessed with the sight of his captain and he looks okay, he really does, but Zoro is confused because his captain wouldn't be in the paper to announce he's alive for no reason and he struggles to think of the hidden message, but when it becomes clear he knows he has to swallow his pride (and his overwhelming sadness, because they are no longer meeting in two days, but two years, and he doesn't know if he can stay away from his captain for that long; the struggle to get to him already took his toll on him, not to mention the thought of spending a whole t_wo _years with no _shishishi _laugh fills him with a sharp pain in his chest and heart) since he wants to get stronger for his dream, but mainly for his captain, so he kneels in front of his sworn enemy and begs for training and when he says yes Zoro has only his captain and love to think about and he promises, once more, that this time, _for real_, he'll never lose again.

This is acceptance.

It's been a year since Zoro has separated from his nakama and, even more regrettably, his captain, so he's taking the night off to drink sake at the beach where he can lie on the banks of the island with the sounds of the sea surrounding him (he doesn't want to think about the fact that the ghost girl had to show him the way, because he never gets lost, he _doesn't_) and even though it sounds just like when he was on the Sunny with the ocean lapping softly against the bank, Zoro can't help but think that it just doesn't feel _right_: there's no singing skeleton, no moaning witch or chuckling dark, archaeologist lady, no crying reindeer or lying sniper or _super! _shipwright, and, perhaps the most important reason, no laughing captain wearing a straw hat and a sunny grin (even thinking about the boy brings Zoro great pain) but he ignores all that and swallows down his sake so he can stare up at the stars and think about all the times he used to lie under a dark, night sky crammed full of blinking stars with a certain rubber boy when they never spoke a word, but hardly needed to, only slight contact and the sound of the ocean around them enough to satisfy them, and Zoro craves that now, even more than he has ever craved sake, to be able to touch his captain, to s_mell_ him (freedom, salt, sea, and dreams_…_ no,_ home_) and his fingers brush over his lips that are slightly wet from the sake while he remembers a time in an abandoned house with heat and lips and skin, but thinking about it is nothing compared to the real deal and, since realising that he does really _love_ his captain, Zoro knows now that being away from that laugh (_shishishi_) is torturous and that's why he doesn't stop training, _won't_ stop training, because if he gets strong enough then he will never have to be away from his captain again, and, maybe this time, he'll be able to help save his captain if need be (Zoro never wants to feel the pain of being separated from his nakama ever again, never wants to feel the pain that his incompetent body and clear lack of skill gave him) but today is special, so he rises the sake bottle into the air to celebrate one year down and one year to go until their reunion, in which case a strange ripple of anticipation goes through Zoro's body and he closes his eyes to relish in it, enjoy it, because it's not long now, not long at all.

This is apprehension.

It's over, the two years have ended, and Zoro may have lost an eye and he may be stronger and he may have grown, but nothing has changed with his thoughts of his captain (actually, it seems to have only gotten s_tronger_) but he's the first there and the anticipation is killing him (_those worthless idiots_) however he's already waited two years, so he's sure he can wait a few more days, but (unfortunately for Zoro, he's sure) the first person he meets is the ero-cook and of course they catch up on what they've missed (they fight) and time seems to pass quickly (it always does when Zoro's with his nakama) when they notice a commotion and Zoro knows, he can feel it in his _bones_, that it's their captain and they hurry to the scene, all the while Zoro unable to stop excited shakes from racking his body and a smile from spreading across his face because he's finally able to see his captain's face and smell him and touch him and, _fuck_, Zoro's practically sprinting now (it's been too long; far, _far_ too long, and his body is literally aching for his captain) and when his eye finally falls onto the rubber boy his heart slams into his chest once, hard, because he's there, he's _there, _and he looks fantastic (Zoro wonders if he can even call him boy anymore) and his eyes flicker to the large, star-shaped scar on his chest but he ignores it (and the anger that pools like molten into his chest as a result of it) because all he can feel right now is happiness as his captain waves and laughs (not the _shishishi_ one, regrettably) and Zoro can't help but marvel at how he's literally just arrived and _already_ gotten himself in trouble, though that is normal for their crew, he knows (and has missed) that, so instead he beats down a robot with the fucking lethal paws with clear ease and meets up with his captain and all he wants to do is touch him but they have to run away and despite their rushed reunion and the fact they're getting chased to their ship by a large crowd of marines, Zoro feels nothing but a warm feeling of _home_ that spreads through his veins and powers his body.

This is happiness.

It isn't until Fishman Island that Zoro finds himself alone with his captain, the party finally over and Zoro is slightly (very) drunk and led on top of the bed in the room he was given in the palace in the dark, but he knows it's his captain that curls up beside him despite all that (he still smells of freedom, salt, sea, and dreams – _home_) and somehow he finds himself hovering above the rubber man with a giggle (_shishishi_) creating an explosion of warmth in his chest, rubber hands already under his shirt to his chest, but all Zoro feels like doing is inhaling his captain's addictive scent, so he leans his forehead against his captain's and closes his eye, letting him trace trails of fire on his skin, meat and sake mingling in the short air between their faces and his captain says _"I've missed Zoro_" which makes Zoro's breath hitch, his body stilling and his captain's stilling underneath him as a result, until Zoro sighs so heavily it resonates through his entire body and into his captain's, the words _"I've waited so long for this, Captain"_ falling out of his mouth before he knows it, which makes his captain giggle once more and their lips meet for a second, then two seconds, leading to it lasting for nearly a minute before they're separating to take shirts off and fingers are wandering over skin (it's so hot, Zoro feels on _fire_) and then his fingers reach the star-burst scar and both of them freeze once more, until Zoro feels brave enough to ask _"Does it hurt?_" with his fingers still softly hovering over the plastic surface, his captain's response of _"Not much, anymore_" enough for Zoro to move his fingers away and press his lips to the scar, his captain gasping (he's only ever heard him gasp once before, and Zoro's nearly forgotten how _exciting_ it is to hear) and underneath his hands that are pressing softly into his chest he can feel his captain's heart pace quickening (_poundpoundpoundpound_) and that makes his heart race and his captain is pulling his face up to his once again and Zoro can feel a leg between his legs and he finally moans _"Luffy_" and Luffy smiles against his lips and Zoro's hands are running over the rubber body once more, and the sheer amount of vitality and strength that courses through his captain's body will never cease to amaze Zoro; he will neither forget nor remember the feel of Luffy's skin: never forget, as his fingers will always touch the rubber skin as long as the captain stays by his first mate's side, and never remember, because each touch is extraordinarily more different and more vibrant than the last, Zoro feeling simultaneously sobered from all the sake he drank, and drunk from the feel of Luffy's skin and his smell that is surrounding them, and Zoro smiles back against his captain's lips, until Luffy whispers, unexpectedly, _"I love Zoro" _and Zoro whispers back _"I love you, too, Captain" _with no hesitation and the rest of the night is spent laughing and kissing and learning the maps of each other's bodies in an explosion of heat and fire.

This is Luffy.

This is everything.


End file.
